There are times in life when play actually becomes work. First you're engaging yourself in your favorite creative outlet, and then suddenly you find yourself staying up all night working on some silly project instead of getting some well-deserved sleep.
But fear not! There are ways around this problem. Just as guitar players use a capo to keep from having to learn all those extra chords that Herman's Hermits never needed, so there are solutions for the aspiring cartoonist. I will now share these secrets with you, my loyal reader. We'll start with simple dodges, and then move on to some really creative ways to avoid work.
Lesson 1: Always take your freebies
Here is a fantastic example of what you can accomplish when you simply don't feel like doing anything at all. The Invisible Man offers a chance for the viewer to create his own artistic image, thereby allowing you to do absolutely nothing at all.
You can even make money off of this sort of thing. You can sign a blank sheet of paper, or even find a wall with chipped paint and take a picture of it. Once done, find someone with a lot of money and tell them that it symbolizes the purity of the moment just before the creative process takes hold.
If that's too much for them, then tell them it's about the womb or bed-wetting or something. The richer the person is, the more likely that he or she will fork over a ridiculous amount of money to own something that you threw together in five minutes without anything remotely resembling the creative spark of passion.
This is a popular method in the art world today, and many otherwise useless lazy people are able to make a decent living because of it.
Lesson 2: Keep it simple
Why should you spend all that time studying human anatomy? Who cares where the muscles go? If you can't be bothered with such annoying details, then this is the character for you. Zalkar is made of "Pure Energy". Therefore, he isn't encumbered with silly details like eyes or feet.
Never underestimate the benefit of not having to draw shoulders or hairstyles. If you can avoid these things, you'll be farther on your way to never really drawing anything at all.
If you don't believe that this sort of character can work, then go rent Starman.
Lesson 3: Avoid problem spots
Here is another great way to draw when you don't really feel like it. Check out this little dude. By creating him, I've completely avoided drawing hands or feet! Oh, the joy of it all! Some cute green and red eyes, a few knobby joints, and voila! Perfectly usable robot character!
When passing this off to a fan, be sure to tell him that the robot does actually have hands and feet, but they're on backorder. "I just asked myself, 'what if he had no hands or feet?' I mean, that's some serious adversity! This character is a real hero for sure!"
This may sound like a lame excuse intended to cover for a lack of creative inclination or ability, but the average fanboy will accept it without question, especially if he watches a lot of Star Trek.
Lesson 4: More creative excuses
This piece uses some of the more advanced techniques. I actually did have to go ahead and draw that dude, but check out some of the details.
First of all, the obvious: since his power is to grow plants, I have completely concealed his legs behind some really tall grass. No ankles for me, buddy! No shoes to draw either!
Next, we'll move on to the most important detail of all. Look very closely at his hands. Do you see it? No, I'm not referring to the green glow. There are four digits, including the thumb.
Remember this one, folks. The number four is your train ticket to Slackerville! Once a person sees that there are only four fingers on each hand, they instantly forgive any lack of shading or perspective. Even drawing those big round eyes and circular noses doesn't achieve this effect as efficiently as losing a digit on each hand!
Thanks to cartoons like Dilbert and Southpark, the bar has been lowered far below the abilities of most artists. This is your chance to seize the moment and do something that loosely resembles a complete, original thought!
Lesson 5: Apply what you've learned
Okay, here's the same picture with some very minor changes. Zalkar has decided to tackle the Gardener. All I did was rotate the Gardener and flip him over. Then I put him behind the grass and added Zalkar and the word balloon.
Notice the complete and utter lack of perspective. Oh, there's some foreshortening in some of these pictures, but nothing that would stand up to a test with a ruler.
But why should it? Why should you bother with all those pesky vanishing points that everyone always chatters about? You can create a workable piece without ever worrying about such petty details.
So remember this article the next time you're on a deadline and find yourself doodling without any goal in mind. To heck with the goal! You can create meaningful art whether you know what you're doing or not!
- Brian.
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